You grabbed the Cambiwhatever. He groaned, head lolling as you looked around, then shoved him into Gale and Wyll's arms. "Hold him up." You tugged your jacket off, stole Gale's robes, then crammed it all onto his body. In the end, he looked kind of like he was dressed and Shadowheart was able to touch his cheek - closing up the bloody sores burnt into him by the dimensional teleport. In the end, he looked somewhat presentable.
"Why are we taking this guy?" Astarion asked, frowning.
"He's a demon," you said.
"Devil," Shadowheart muttered.
"So, he's from another universe, like Lae'zel. So, he's worth a f*ckton of money. And unlike Lae'zel, he's..." you paused. "Ya know."
"I would have expected a tiefling of all people to not judge someone for having red skin," Astarion said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
Shadowheart sighed. "That's not why she doesn't want to move heaven and earth to save him, Astarion."
"...oh," Astarion said, frowning. "Right."
Your cheeks flushed while Lae'zel let out a tch! "I'm not saying we should sell him to the COM-Star or something!" you said, angrily. "Just. Ya know. Keep him. And I think I know the best place to drag him."
"...great," Shadowheart muttered, having picked up on what you were thinking.
***
The inner door opened and you stepped in, flanked by Shadowheart and Lae'zel, with Gale, Astarion and Wyll dragging the badly disguised Cambrio in behind you...and for a moment, you just stood there, taking it slowly in.
The center of Ethel's was a big circular stage, with poles thrusting up into the ceiling. Glowing neon lights backlit the stage and standing there were three dryads. Not elves. Dryads. They were green and floral, their hair flowering and blooming with brilliant flowers, and their clothing was all sex. Tight thongs, tight tops, and good god, one of them had just the most gorgeous silver tramp stamp sprawling right above the crack of her ass and you could see the whole thing as she swung around the pole, flicking her hair and sending glittering, floating flower petals into the crowd. Several elves walked past, holding trays of drinks and wearing very short skirts and real high heels. The music that thumped from the wall speakers was peppy and full of synth.
Lookin' for some hot stuff, baby, this evenin'
I need some hot stuff, baby, tonight
I want some hot stuff, baby, this evenin'
Gotta have some hot stuff
Gotta have some love tonight
Your foot was already tapping, while an elf girl with a nose ring and hair she had dyed bright green walked over. She smirked. "Hey there, big girl," she said, licking her lips. "Here to enjoy everything the fae can offer tonight?"
"f*cking yes!" you said.
"You remember this place is owned by a crime lord, right?" Shadowheart whispered.
"...I mean..." you said, shaking your head. "Uh, we need a table. Our friend here got, uh, a lot to drink." You gestured to the Cambioid.
The elf looked him over, arching an eyebrow. "Just...we have bouncers, you know?"
She jerked her head over to a corner.
The bouncers were a pair of tiny dudes who looked like they'd just rolled out of a Mardok War armory. They had ballistic plate, visors, big red silk hats, curly shoes, and old AKA-46s with wood paneling that had been chipped and worn away. One of them was sharpening a big knife and the other one had a bunch of kill markings on their vest - you counted sixteen green circles, five pale circles, two black circles, then the rest was lost under the pouches and ammo bags he had.
"...are those red caps?" Gale whispered.
"Yeah," you said. "I think. That's why they have the hat, right?"
"Auntie Ethel's got redcap bouncers," Shadowheart said, quietly. "Lovely."
The elf girl watched your conversation, then arched an eyebrow. "Come on," she said, then led you to a table with a great view of the strippers. You craned your head, trying to get a better view of the dryads - but then your ass was thumped into the chair, while the cambiddity groaned and opened his eyes to thin slits.
"Where am I?" he asked, muzzily.
"Here," Shadowheart said, several empty cups from a passing waiter - who glowered at her. "Clean these, Gale."
"You're welcome," Gale said, dryly, as he waved his hand over the cups. Once it was cleaned, Shadowheart murmured a quiet incantation, then snapped her fingers and the glasses filled with water. She handed the first to the Cambidon, who drank it with a quick gulp, then sighed, his head rolling back.
"Hells," he whispered. "Oh gods." He lifted his head up, blinking some of the fog from his eyes. He peered around himself again. "I...am somewhat at a loss." He frowned. "And this is not how I planned to introduce myself to such poor people, in such desperate need."
"What do you want?" Lae'zel asked, narrowing her eyes.
"I am Raphael," Raphael said, gesturing to himself. "And, to be quite honest, I am here because I am seeking to remove from your brains the little parasite problem you currently have." He smiled, getting more into the swing of things as he spoke, his voice melodious and warm. You didn't trust it. Sounded too much like the used shuttle salesman on the old TV. Crazy Eddie? This guy sounded like Crazy Eddie to you. "You may not know it, but according to my information...they're quite potent weapons."
"No they're not," you said, scowling. "They're just squiddy babies."
"Ah, and yet, you don't know why you're not currently feeling the first and quite painful steps of your...transformation," Raphael said, smugly.
"Yes we are," Gale said, cheerfully. "We got, a, uh...an magnetic resonance imaging machine that scanned our minds, revealing they're contained in a plastic shell with a triggered release acid spell on it." He tapped his temple. "So, they won't trigger ceremorphosis until that spell is switched on."
Raphael the Cambiddity blinked a few times, his wings mantling. "Uh..." he said, slowly. "I, uh...ahem." He coughed. "Well, I can still remove them."
"Sick!" you said, grinning. "What do you want, money? We got money."
"Nothing so tawdry as money," Raphael said, his voice smooth. "Instead, we'll be exchanging service for a service. I am to understand that this realm has been riven from the afterlife for some time - well, you may not be aware but we Cambions are merely part of a multiplanar effort to combat a kind of-"
"What's this here?"
A crooning, silky voice purred and a shadow fell over the table.
Everyone perked up and turned.
Auntie Ethel smiled down at you. There wasn't any way she could be anything else. She was easily nine, ten feet tall, with limber shoulders and a long, graceful figure. Her tit* were full and barely contained in a beautiful leather jacket and white undershirt, while her juicy, juicy ass was contained in a very tight pair of short shorts. She had a large caliber revolver hanging on a low slung holster, and her eyes were covered with big reflective sunglasses. Her knuckles were tattooed - one said FAE and the other said WLD between the knuckles. She smelled strongly of a hydroponics bay - like growing things and life. Her hands planted onto your shoulder and Shadowheart's shoulder and your entire face started to burn.
"Two elves, a senator's son, a human, a tiefling, and..." She paused, looking at Lae'zel. "...a...weird elf-"
"Githyanki!" LAe'zel snapped. "Why do you fools keep mistaking me for an elf?"
"The ears," you said.
"It's the ears," Wyll said.
"They are quite elfish," Shadowheart admitted.
"The personality, darling," Astarion crooned, smirking wickedly.
Two someone's kicked Astarion's shins under the table while Auntie Ethel blinked. "And a tiefling with wings," she said, grinning at Raphael.
"And what are you, ma'am?" Gale asked.
"Why, I'm yer Auntie Ethel," she said, smirking.
"Oohh man, if my auntie looked like you, I'd be from the back country, hot damn!" you said, chuckling.
Now three people kicked your shins, and for no reason at all! You winced and looked aggrieved.
Ethel pinched your cheek. "You are a dear!" she said.
Shadowheart caught your eyes and mouthed 'crime boss' at you.
"Right!" you said, then shook your head. "Uh, nice club you got here. Very, uh...uh..." Your eyes caught a drifting flower, following it to the dryad who had shook her hair out, letting it billow into the gentle breeze within the room. She was grinding against the pole like-
"I've never met someone like you before," Gale said, smiling.
"Well, if you must pry, dearie," Ethel said, grinning. "I'm a Samodiva, of the Green."
Gale nodded.
Then his eyes widened.
"Wait, you're a H-" he started.
Oh.
OH!
OH!
He was going to drop a slur.
---
[ ] Lunge across the table to cover his mouth and shout, "Highly esteemed woman!"
[ ] Kick his shin.
[ ] "So, uh, Ethel, is it true you are big in the drug trade?"
[ ] "So, uh, Ethel, how much for you to dance?"
[ ] "Hi I'm Karlach!"
[ ] Write In
